Peter vs. Cancer

So here's a quick update on Peter Vs. Cancer - I'm killing time at the hotel in Houston before visiting the clinic. Some of this information is mirrored in a earlier post, so sorry for the repeats if anyone has already read that.

First the boring stuff:

I'm heading down to Houston, Texas today which is where I'm going to get treated & recover. This is partly due to the weather being far nicer in Texas versus Chicago and partly because I'm going to be treated at the MD Anderson Cancer Center (they are the best in the country) by the head (puns hooray) of their Head/Neck surgery department (he's the surgeon doing all the work on me personally).

They are going to perform surgery to remove the tumor on my tongue (catchy) and then rebuild the missing part of my tongue with skin form somewhere else on (hopefully unless it's a she & she's hot) my body. I get to spend a week in the hospital tripping balls on some incredibly powerful drugs watching TV & silently hitting on (I guess more like leering at) nurses.

All the many doctors I've talked to agree that barring some unforeseen disaster (like a nurse killing me for groping her while under the influence of drugs) I should come out of this perfectly fine with a new fashionable accent of my choice (I'm taking bets... Choices include Cockney, Southern, Pirate, Minnesotan, California surfer dude, Irish, Sultry librarian, Really offensive & Stereotypical Japanese & Jamaican).

Fun Facts:

During a CAT scan they inject iodine into your veins (for contrast) - this has a side effect of making you immediately think you're wetting yourself uncontrollably (some nurse's don't warn you of this beforehand).

During a PET scan they inject you with Radioactive Sugar (cause cancer's are basically just grumpy fat kids: they love sugar) which is how these guys most likely got their super powers.

You can pass the fuck out from having blood drawn & other medical tests performed too many times in a week long period... if you do that while in a cancer treatment center - they freak the fuck out (all I needed was a couple juice boxes & rest - I almost found out how a defibrillator feels).

Having a two foot long camera shoved up your nose sucks - Having it done when you already have chronic sinus problems sucks more - Having it done multiple times by multiple doctors of varying skill levels sucks so much I'd almost rather keep the cancer - having it attempted 24 hours after you've flown apparently doesn't work cause everything is swollen and even with wads of cotton soaked in some sort of numbing anesthetic crammed up your nose with forceps you can feel intense pain if tried...

The only direct flights from Louisville, Ky to Houston are on tiny 30 - 50 seat jets that get tossed in the wind like a Frisbee & (at least from my experience) there is a constant thunder storm sitting between these two cities. I'm also more prone to air sickness a few days after major medical exams...

Casinos in southern Indiana are a lot more depressing than casinos in Vegas... There are a lot more pregnant teens smoking, No free booze, Buffet Lines take hours to get through & the food isn't as good, Boring entertainment, Old uncomfortable seats, You wouldn't be surprised to learn 75% of the people have some sort of KKK affiliation, Camo & flannel replace suit & tie as the standard, Very few attractive young people in general & the few who are attractive usually smoke & are often pregnant.

Plus side winning a grand at Black jack makes people treat you like Frank Sinatra...

Also mentioning you have Cancer & are betting $100 on your age (27) at the roulette wheel to see if you're luck comes around & for a sign if you'll love through it causes almost everyone at the table to pile money onto your number & they can't get furious when they lose all their winning when the number hits on 26 (always bet on black)... True Story.